From Pain to Purpose
Welcome to my little corner of the internet a sacred space where pain meets purpose and healing takes digital form.
I’ve lived through two marriages that didn’t work out. My first marriage lasted just 15 months and my ex-husband was physically abusive. My second marriage lasted 16 years, and though it wasn’t physically violent, it was deeply neglectful. Neither husbands believed in paying bills. For years, I carried the weight of financial responsibility alone buying groceries, covering rent, and providing for my two daughters without help. Not once did either husband go shopping or offer money for the household. Holidays came and went, but they brought nothing not even for the children.
And yet, my daughters never knew. I shielded them from the weight of my struggle. My second ex husband never argued , and by God’s grace, my two girls have beautiful memories of their childhood because I made it that way.
Today, I’m single and have been for many years. And I can say with a full heart: I’m loving this chapter of my life. But it wasn’t easy getting here.
I grew up in a home filled with pain. My father was an abuser who beat my mother regularly, even while she was pregnant. Her face was often swollen, her lips busted, and her bifocal glasses shattered again and again. I spent my childhood trying to protect her, helping care for my seven siblings, and struggling just to eat. There were times when the electricity and water were shut off because bills went unpaid.
My shoes would wear down until the soles were gone and every step on the ground felt like punishment. The trauma of walking with torn shoes is something I can still feel today.
My mother passed away at just 42 years old. My father lived into his 90s.
Out of all this heartbreak, PDF Guide Shop was born. It includes PDF guides," "digital downloads," "inspirational content"
I created it for people like me people who’ve been through real things, people who don’t need fluff or fake promises. These downloadable guides are for women who cry behind closed doors, for caregivers who are exhausted, for dreamers holding on during long delays, and for men just trying to make it through the day. These aren’t just PDFs they’re soul-soothers. They’re messages of hope in digital form.
Let me leave you with a story I rarely tell.
I was 19 and pregnant, living with my grandmother the legendary tap dancer Louise Madison. One day, I started feeling sharp stomach pains. They worsened until I couldn’t bear them. I told my grandmother I was going to my father’s house to ask if he could take me to the hospital. When I knocked on his door, he opened it and I asked, through the pain, “Can you please take me to the hospital?” He agreed.
So I sat outside on the cold cement steps. I waited… and waited… and waited. The pain grew unbearable. Hours passed 11 PM… 2 AM… 4 AM. I tried to focus on the stars, counting constellations to keep my mind off the agony. The streets were silent, and dark. I was alone, in deep labor, with no one checking on me.
At 5 AM, my father finally came out and said, “Let’s go.”
I could barely stand, barely walk. I crawled into the backseat of the car. When we arrived at the hospital, I struggled to open the door. A nurse saw me and rushed over with a wheelchair. I was taken inside. My father never got out of the car. He sat in the driver’s seat, waited for the door to shut, and pulled off. A kind nurse wheeled me to a room, and helped me get in the bed. When I laid down I began to see Cartoon Characters in my mind! I was looking at them outside the hospital window! The pain was unexplainable! The nurse explained to me that she would need to put a needle in my back to help with the pain, and for me to be still.
A little after 7 that morning, I heard the words: “It’s a girl.”
